Child Psychology Book Lady

In this 2019 parenting book, Meg Meeker offers up sensible and practical advice from decades of experience as a paediatrician and mother.

Short take: Meeker covers broad terrain in this book, touching on topics such as friendships, sexual intimacy, gender expression, parenting awareness, spirituality and faith. She carves out separate roles for mothers and fathers, deviating from some current parenting approaches that dismiss gendered parenting roles. While some may find her views conservative or old-fashioned, I found there was a lot of wisdom and experience in her words. Those who read this book with curiosity and an open mind will gain most. As always, take only what feels consistent with your own values.

Parenting Approach:

• The parenting approach put forward by Meeker is authoritative. It encourages parents to hold firm but fair boundaries with their daughters, while providing an accepting, non-judgemental and open space for girls to grow into their authentic selves.

Key Themes:

• Listening into parenting intuition. Meeker encourages parents to listen into their intuitive or inner voice when making decisions for or with their daughters.
• Distinct roles for Mums and Dads. Meeker says the best thing mothers can do is be their daughters’ role models, allies, and the family glue. She says not to try to be a best friend, but to be a stable, safe presence who repairs relational ruptures with the knowledge that a mother-daughter relationship is one that lasts for life. She tells fathers that communicating acceptance and being affectionate with words and actions is vital.
• Sexuality and gender. Meeker outlines the social, emotional and physical health implications of having sex early. She urges parents, particularly mothers, to speak openly to their daughters about sex. She stresses the importance of allowing girls to express their gender and sexual orientation in a fluid and flexible way in the teen years, not imposing labels upon them that may feel restrictive or inaccurate.
• Spirituality and faith. Meeker says that girls who find a purpose in life that is greater than themselves (bigger than friendships, career, social standing or money) do the best socially and emotionally in the long term. She frames this as the “pursuit of truth”, drawing on her own Christian faith and clinical observations to substantiate her argument.

Overall Impression:

• In this clear and engaging book, Meg Meeker provides no-nonsense, sensible advice to parents of girls. She encourages mothers to model healthy emotion regulation, to work to repair relationships when difficulties arise, to trust in their own parenting intuition, and to establish themselves as the go-to person for their daughters by creating safe, non-judgemental and open spaces for girls to talk. For fathers, she says that being a protector and leader, and communicating acceptance and approval of their daughters will build resilience and a healthy sense of self.
• One aspect of this book that I found particularly clear and helpful was Meeker’s discussion of sexuality. She takes the stance that fewer sexual partners in a lifetime and a later age of first sexual interaction is better for teens, encouraging girls to delay having sex until university or college age. She outlines the neurophysiological and hormonal changes that happen when girls start having sex, and how these relate to bonding, attachment and a girl’s developing sense of self. Having sex too early, or with too many people, she says, can be linked to anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem and a self-concept that is unhelpfully tied to the views and approval of others.
• Some readers might find Meeker’s thesis slightly old fashioned or conservative, particularly her views on faith, religion, and gender roles. Despite this, I found a lot of value and wisdom in her words. She does draw on her Christian faith throughout the book, saying that being in touch with a higher purpose or power is associated with better socio-emotional wellbeing and mental health. Nevertheless, she acknowledges that faith does not have to be a belief in God, but rather a sense that life is greater than career, money, social standing, or appearance.
• Overall, I really enjoyed this book and found it offered something that many modern parenting approaches do not. In the spirit of Meeker’s suggestion to trust your parenting intuition, I recommend reading this with curiosity and an open mind and only taking what feels consistent with your own values and parenting approach.